2011 predictions: No tax reform in 2011 (or 2012)

The bipartisan tax deal reached by President Obama and Congress earlier this month, along with a few kind words about closing tax loopholes from a handful of GOP lawmakers, has some reformers uncharacteristically optimistic about a quick agreement to revise the revenue code. But, sadly, they are wrong. Here’s why there won’t be a serious effort to rewrite the tax code until after the next elections.

Obama isn’t on board. The President could have used the tax reform plans offered by his own fiscal commission or the Bipartisan Policy Center as an opportunity to jumpstart the debate. But he was decidedly cool, calling only for a national conversation on taxes. As Ronald Reagan showed with the 1986 Tax Reform Act, a major rewrite of the revenue code requires a full-court press by the White House. To get a bill moving, Obama would have to send a complete reform plan to Congress and keep up the pressure for passage. There is no sign he’s ready to do that.

Hill Republicans are not on board. Incoming Ways & Means Committee Chairman Dave Camp (R-MI) says tax reform will be one of his priorities, and that’s a good thing. But speaker-to-be John Boehner (R-OH) has little interest in supporting real reform. In the Senate, Democrat Ron Wyden (D-OR) still has his rewrite, but his GOP cosponsor, Judd Gregg, has retired and Republicans are not exactly lining up to take his place. Republicans would surely back further rate reductions, but they have no interest in cutting tax subsidies—the hard part of reform. It is easy enough for a pol to embrace the concept of repealing loopholes. It isn’t so easy to actually cut the mortgage interest deduction. And does anyone seriously think the GOP would give Obama an historic victory on tax reform on the eve of a presidential election campaign?

Hill Democrats are not on board either. After their battering in this year’s elections, Democrats want only one thing between now and November, 2012—a plummeting unemployment rate. And they don’t see how a nasty protracted debate over tax reform will create many jobs. Besides, these days Dems are just as enamored of targeted tax subsidies as Republicans.

There is no agreement on how much money the new tax code should raise. The ’86 Act passed, in part, because it produced the same amount of money as the tax code it replaced. But in the face of a $1 trillion-plus deficit and growing fiscal pressures down the road, the next reform would have to raise more revenues. Democrats, of course, will be fine with that. But the idea was red meat for Republicans even before the 2010 elections. The growing clout of the anti-tax activists who make up much of the tea party movement will make it even tougher for GOP lawmakers to budge on new revenues.

This year’s deal was tax deform, not reform. The compromise cut by Obama and Hill Republicans produced mostly winners (the only losers were workers making less than $20,000—and they rarely vote). It extended dozens of targeted tax subsidies and kept rates relatively low. By contrast, cutting rates while eliminating deductions and credits, and raising overall taxes would create boatloads of losers. This year, Congress nearly ran out the clock arguing over how to give away $850 billion. To be sure, they agreed in the end. But that’s no clue about how they’d react to a broad rewrite of the code.

Follow the money. We have learned a lot in recent weeks about who funded those non-profit outfits that plowed tens of millions of anonymous money into this year’s congressional campaigns. And much of the cash that found its way into the coffers of successful GOP candidates came from two sources: Wall Street and energy producers—among the biggest beneficiaries of special interest tax breaks. These folks paid good money to protect their subsidies. And I suspect they’ll get what they paid for.

Make no mistake, tax reform is going to happen, and relatively soon. But not in Obama's first term. I dearly hope I’m wrong, but I just don’t see it

Kobo touts holiday ereading success

he Kindle isn't the only game in town: Kobo says hundreds of thousands of Kobo ereading devices have been actives each day since Christmas Eve.

Amazon.com might be trumpeting its Kindle device as its best-selling and most-gifted item ever, but it’s not the only player in the ereader market. Kobo wants folks to know that its ereading ecosystem has had a banner end-of-year season as well, with downloads from its eBook store at the highest level ever, over a million people connecting to Kobo, and “hundreds of thousands” of devices being activated each day since Christmas Eve—although, like Amazon, Kobo isn’t giving out any exact sales numbers.

“Earlier this month we predicted that Christmas would be a record breaker for Kobo, and we have exceeded our expectations driving several ebook downloads per second since Christmas Eve,” said Kobo CE Michael Serbinis, in a statement. “I would like to thank our customers for choosing Kobo to start building their digital library this Christmas. Our success this holiday season is a pre-cursor to a New Year with people reading more than ever thanks to ebooks and Kobo.”

The Kobo ecosystem consists of dedicated readers with E-Ink displays (available from Kobo and Borders), as well as desktop and mobile applications for Macs and PCS, along with iOS, Android, BlackBerry, and Palm mobile devices. Kobo also claims to have one of the largest ebook stores, with over 2.2 million book, magazines, and newspaper titles available.

According to Kobo, holiday activity from customers has been notable for its international character, with customers connecting from more than 130 countries: big international gains from Germany, the Netherlands, and Singapore, in addition to many English-speaking and Commonwealth countries. Kobo says they’re also seeing a healthy mix of devices, with ereaders and tablets counting for the largest portion of sales. Overall, Kobo says sales are 50 times higher this year than last year. Kobo is also the first ebook service to launch an ebook gifting and goft card program that delivered ebooks to recipients’ email accounts on Christmas morning.

Oh, and the most popular purchased and gifted books for Kobo this season? Those lists were dominated by Stieg Larsson’sMillennium trilogy, with Dan Brown’sThe Lost Symbol taking third place in the U.S. market and Emma Donahue’sRoom coming in as the third most-gifted book for the season.

Amazon Eve: Amazon Eve World’s Tallest Model

Amazon Eve, a person, a model actually, is believed to be the world’s tallest supermodel, standing at 6’8″.

Eve, of California, is 31 years old and a full-time model and actress who wears a size 14 shoe.

“I make everybody look short, but when I’m alone, I look like a regular girl,” Eve told the Daily Telegraph. “I’m proportionate. It’s only when I stand next to somebody that it looks unusual.”

When Eve is not modeling she wrestles short men. How much does she charge? $400 per hour.

When numbers belie

Democrats in the Indiana General Assembly can only wish defeat had the same tart-but-darn-tolerable taste it has had for their cousins in Washington.

Triumphant Republicans, mere weeks away from regaining parity in Congress after two years of minority monkey-wrenching, morphed into a comparative Santa Claus for President Barack "No Tomorrow" Obama.

On its face, the shower of lame-duck largess could be seen as unremarkable. The New START treaty, after all, was endorsed by former secretaries of state from both parties. The brass was pretty solidly behind ending anti-gay discrimination in the military. The tax deal took care of the millionaire community, which was foremost in the hearts of the GOP "populists;" and may have planted a poison pill in that rightwing quarry, Social Security. But by Obama's battered standards, it was a miracle.

The progressive African-American history-maker who had to kowtow to big business for two years, and then get clubbed with its ingratitude, found himself celebrating alongside the Chamber of Commerce and its disciples as he awaited a new year for which they might have waited -- and denied him even his half a loaf.

With the Senate filibuster, with the absurd prerogatives afforded individual lawmakers, Obama could barely get a courthouse parking garage attendant confirmed with his majority. He had to contort health-care reform into a boon for insurance companies to squeeze it past the lockstep Republicans and the lobbied-limp Blue Dogs.

Next year, without the House majority, he can prepare to have his administration investigated for every missing paper clip. But perhaps he'll find further magnanimity in the newly empowered opposition as well. After all, the two sides already have united on the biggest issue of the 2010 campaign: the federal deficit. They've made it bigger. Perhaps we weren't listening closely enough when they explained their plans all those months.

Alas, in the Indiana legislature, the parties are not allowed to get together and have a deficit. Nor is there filibustering. With their numbers, Senate Democrats couldn't pull it off anyway.

The last time the Indiana Dems were in this total-minority fix, in the latter half of Gov. Mitch Daniels' first term, they resisted a flurry of unanimous Republican bills in the House by walking out -- or caucusing, as they termed it. They were branded obstructionists, as were the Republicans in the Congress just passed; and they got a lot less obstructing accomplished than did the Stop-Obama GOP.

This time, a saber-rattling, nationally ambitious governor and his overwhelming troops figure to take no prisoners. Unions, cities, public schools, the environment -- the hits will keep on coming. The minority Democrats, unlike the minority Republicans, will not be asked for generosity.

Dickman is back to full speed

Dickman's recovery from knee injury spurs Eagles

Kristen Dickman underwent surgery in January. She rehabbed hard for five months, performing physical therapy and weightlifting exercises designed for recovery from a torn anterior cruciate ligament she suffered during Zionsville's 2009-10 basketball season.

Finally, in June, the senior-to-be returned to the court for a midsummer game . . . and she didn't feel anything. No lingering pain. No fear. Nothing to hold her back.

"I wasn't afraid to go out there and go hard," Dickman said.

What about now, about halfway into her final season at Zionsville?

"I really, honestly feel like I was never hurt," Dickman said. "I feel completely normal."

She's playing like it -- or at least close to it, according to coach Andy Maguire -- as Dickman is an important rebounder and one of five key scorers for a Zionsville team (4-5) heading into today's holiday tournament.

Dickman's numbers: A team-high 8.8 points per game, plus 5.8 rebounds (second on Zionsville).

The team's four wins are two fewer than last year's team posted, and its Hoosier Crossroads Conference victories over Lafayette Jeff and Avon are two more than in 2009-10.

A lot of this is thanks to Dickman and to her quick recovery. She said it had been expected to take six to eight months, instead of five.

"I think she's done a great job," Maguire said of Dickman, who is aiming to play at a Division III college, possibly DePauw. "She's in shape, and she's strong.

"Just playing in games again, it's still a process with her, but she's been really consistent the last three weeks. . . . We're pleased with where she is right now, and I think she's going to be even better the second half of the season."

Seniors Katie Drapeau (8.1 points), Jenna Mitchell (8.0, plus a team-high 6.4 rebounds), Kelly Hunt (7.7 points and 5.1 rebounds) and Emily Olds (6.1 points) give Zionsville a five-person offensive attack.

It's a bit of a departure from past years' inside-oriented focus behind Dickman and Mitchell. Now -- thanks to Drapeau and Olds -- the team can score from the perimeter as well.

"It would be hard to guard us," Maguire said, "because you can't really say we're just an inside team. We are capable of playing pretty well from the outside, too."

Maguire said the team has some winnable games coming up. Today, it starts with Danville (2-8), then either Benton Central (9-1) or Crawfordsville (6-5) -- with Maguire seeing both games as winnable if the Eagles play to their potential. The Danville game is scheduled for 11 a.m., the second semifinal for 12:45 p.m., the consolation at 6 p.m. and the title game at 7:45 p.m. Cost is $5.

A junior varsity tournament with the same matchups also is scheduled for today.

After that come Park Tudor (5-4), Guerin Catholic (5-6) and Southmont (1-9) before the Eagles' Jan. 15 trip to Hamilton Southeastern (9-1, 5-0 HCC).

With Dickman healthy and her teammates contributing greatly, this could be a successful span for Zionsville.

"You hate to look at paper and (past) scores," Maguire said, "but it looks like if we play like we're capable, we could have a stretch of games where we could win four or five games."

Brownsburg girls win Hall of Fame Classic

NEW CASTLE, Ind. -- The only question about Brownsburg High School sophomore forward Stephanie Mavunga following Wednesday's surprising City Securities Hall of Fame Classic championship: What shined brighter, her play or her smile?

For Mavunga, the answer was easy. Neither.

"Not everyone sees (my teammates) as stars, but I think everybody's a shining star on my team," said Mavunga, who was named the event's Most Valuable Player.

She led the only unranked team in the tournament to victory with key contributions from her teammates, especially seniors Ryne Carr and Lindsey Dall.

"Ryne and Lindsey are great players," Mavunga said. "They stepped up in many different ways. You might not see them on the stat sheet, but they showed out (Wednesday)."

Brownsburg (11-2), the only team entering the event with a loss, beat Class 3A No. 2 Evansville Memorial 51-41 in the championship game after knocking off 4A No. 3 Jeffersonville 44-32 in the first round. Evansville Memorial reached the championship game with a 57-48 victory over 4A No. 2 Carmel. Jeffersonville beat Carmel 56-28 in the consolation game.

In the first round, Mavunga blocked seven shots while Brownsburg held a Jeffersonville front line of Lakin Roland, Jalynn McClain and Brooke Valentine that was averaging 40.4 points per game to 24 on 9-of-39 shooting.

When Jeffersonville -- and foul trouble -- held Mavunga to one field goal attempt in the first half, Carr hit two 3-pointers and Dall added five points to give Brownsburg a 17-15 halftime lead. Mavunga, who was averaging 18.8 points per game, put the game away by scoring six points during a 9-1 run that began late in the third quarter and gave the Bulldogs a 29-19 lead.

Evansville Memorial reached the championship game behind a 31-point, 18-rebound performance by Valparaiso-bound Mallory Ladd, but Brownsburg -- led by Carr -- held Ladd to seven points and six rebounds, and the Tigers shot just 35.7 percent as a team.

In the championship game, Brownsburg scored the first nine points -- six by Mavunga -- but Evansville Memorial answered with a 17-1 run. Mavunga converted an offensive rebound and Dall (12 points) scored in the post to break the run.

Mavunga then went to the bench with her second foul, Evansville Memorial's Maggie Minnette hitting 1-of-2 free throws in the process. Carr responded by hitting two free throws and Allison DeVaney scored to make it 18-18.

Over the next 41/2 minutes, there were three ties and five lead changes. Mavunga scored inside to put Brownsburg ahead to stay 29-27 with 5:44 remaining.

"Stephanie is a great player," Brownsburg coach Amy Brauman said after Mavunga totaled 30 points on 12-of-20 shooting, 22 rebounds and nine blocks in the two games. "We need to get the ball to her to get our offense going, but she's got a lot of good people around her. They know when to get her the ball and are ready to step up at any time.

"This is a great accomplishment. The seniors have been playing varsity since they were freshmen and they've gone through lots of ups and downs (including a 4-17 record as sophomores). To see all the hard work paying off is really amazing."

Matrimonio: il sesso in tribunale

Divorziamo! Si, no, forse!
Potrebbe essere questa una delle formule più comuni che investe alcune coppie in procinto di lasciarsi. Il divorzio, quel diritto conquistato nel corso degli anni repubblicani e che tanto ha fatto discutere, è spesso prerogativa di uno dei due coniugi.

Difficilmente infatti si prende una decisione di questa natura in modo consensuale…
Ed è questo il caso che vogliamo sottoporvi.
Arriva non dall’Italia, la notizia che vede una coppia di Manhattan (sarà stata importante l’influenza cinematografica del buon vecchio Woody Allen?) alle prese con un divorzio piuttosto movimentato. A quanto pare infatti, la donna della coppia, Mi Lily Shang, si sarebbe rifiutata di concedere la libertà tanto agognata dal marito.
Per tutta risposta, l’uomo, nella prospettiva di arresti domiciliari che proprio non vorrebbe considerare, ha minacciato la moglie non ex di diffondere tramite la rete, e dunque in tutto il mondo, un fantastico video porno della signora.
La coppia è finita dunque in tribunale per la seconda volta. Le pratiche di divorzio erano state inoltrate dall’uomo nel mese di ottobre ma la donna si è rifiutata di attestare le condizioni economiche proposte. Ne è partita una Guerra dei Roses a colpi di bassezze che ad oggi sembra ancora di difficile soluzione.
Donne che dirvi, attenzione con questi filmini!

Dọa tung băng sex nếu vợ đòi nhiều tiền li dị

Cưới Lily Shang hồi tháng 4 năm 2009, đến tháng 10 năm nay, David Glenn Rucker đã đâm đơn li dị. Vấn đề duy nhất của anh ta là làm sao cô Shang phải đồng ý mức tiền dàn xếp thấp.

Rucker dọa Shang rằng anh ta sẽ tung ra một băng sex nếu cô không chiều theo ý của anh ta. Theo 9 News, các băng sex này chỉ có hình ảnh của mình Shang.

Để bảo vệ mình, Shang đã yêu cầu lệnh của tòa để các cuộn băng không bị công khai trong tương lai nếu không được cô cho phép, bởi vì trên thực tế chúng không chỉ thuộc về Rucker mà còn là của cô nữa.

New York City man says he'll release sex tape unless wife agrees to good divorce deal

A MAN is threatening to turn his estranged wife into the next Paris Hilton by releasing a sex tape they made unless she cuts him a good deal in their pending divorce case.

In papers filed in Manhattan Supreme Court, Lily Shang says hubby David Glenn Rucker has told her he'll post "intimate" videos they made on the internet unless she agrees to a deal that would spare him paying big bucks, the New York Post reports.

The couple, who tied the knot in a civil ceremony in Toronto in April of last year, twice took "certain video of intimate moments of a sexual and private nature" in "the privacy of their own home," Ms Shang's suit says.

Mr Rucker filed for divorce this past October, and has ignored Ms Shang's pleas to either give her the tape or destroy it, the filing says.

Instead, he "has threatened to release video of the plaintiff, especially onto the internet, if she does not agree to a low financial settlement in [the] divorce proceedings," the filing says.

He also plans on making it a one-woman show, the suit says.

Mr Rucker "has also made it clear that he will not release video that includes himself, and that he will edit himself out and/or use video that already consists only of plaintiff," the filing says.

The action seeks a court order blocking the tape's release, on the grounds that Ms Shang "is a co-owner of the copyrights of the videos as a joint author under federal and state copyright laws," and that Mr Rucker doesn't have the required written authorisation to release it.

Ms Shang's lawyer, Matthew Seidner, declined comment. Mr Rucker's lawyer could not immediately be reached.

Lily Shang (PICTURES): Sex Tape Threat Claims in NYC Divorce Case

NEW YORK (CBS) David Glenn Rucker, a Manhattan man, threatened to release a sex tape he made with his wife Lily Shang if she did not agree to a favorable divorce settlement, according to court papers filed by Shang and obtained by the New York Post.

The two were married in Toronto in 2009; Rucker filed for divorce in October of this year.

The Post quotes the papers as saying that Rucker threatened to release "certain video of intimate moments of a sexual and private nature" recorded in "the privacy of their own home" on the Internet if Shang "does not agree to a low financial settlement."

The filing seeks to block release of the footage under a copyright claim.

Lily Shang (Personal Photo)

What does Rucker have to say about this?

"It's comical really," he told the New York Daily News, saying he would never release the footage. "That would damage me, since I actually have a career."

According to the paper, Rucker works for financial firm Golden Archer Investments.

Shang spoke to her hometown paper the Toronto Star, saying she was "devastated" that the New York press had picked up her story.

"Divorce is a very difficult and private matter," she said. "Unfortunately this has taken a turn for the worst. It's sad that a private matter has become public in this way."

Katsav will lose benefits, not pension

Benefits accruing to former president Moshe Katsav's wife, Gila, are not affected.

30 December 10 15:35, Lilach Weissman

Former President Moshe Katsav will immediately lose NIS 1.2 million in benefits as a result of today's conviction of rape. Three years ago, the Knesset Finance Committee ruled that former presidents, prime ministers, cabinet ministers, and judges will lose their benefits if convicted of a criminal offense involving moral turpitude, either during their term in office, or afterwards.

The decision does not affect pension rights.

The benefits are revoked automatically on the conviction. If the former official appeals the verdict and the court overturns the moral turpitude or acquits the defendant, the benefits are restored, but not retroactively.

Since the benefits are revoked only after the official is convicted by the court or when a plea bargain is upheld, until today, Katsav enjoyed various benefits, including an apartment in Jerusalem, for seven years from the end of his term. During this period, the state also financed his private home expenses, and he was eligible for an office and office services, including two aides, and a car and chauffer, all of which were tax-free.

The Finance Committee decided, however, not to revoke a convicted official's pension, medical services, and hospitalization at the state's expense, as well as the cost and use of a mobile phone. Katsav is eligible for a pension of 100% of his salary (as he was also a former cabinet minister) of NIS 46,278 net per month.

Benefits accruing to Katsav's wife, Gila, are not affected. However, the Finance Committee decided that a widow of a former president convicted of moral turpidute will lose the apartment, office services, car and chauffer, and the installation and maintenance of a telephone.

AP News in Brief

(AP) - Israel's former President Katsav convicted of raping an employee when he was Cabinet minister

JERUSALEM (AP) — Former Israel President Moshe Katsav was convicted Thursday of raping an employee when he was a Cabinet minister, the most serious criminal charges ever brought against a high-ranking official and a case that stunned the nation.

Katsav, 65, faces a minimum of four years in prison on two counts of raping one of his employees in 1998 when he was Israel's tourism minister. The Tel Aviv District Court also convicted him on lesser counts of indecent acts and sexual harassment involving two other women who worked for him after he became president in 2000.

Katsav has denied the charges. He claimed to be a victim of a political witchhunt, suggesting he was targeted because he comes from Israel's Sephardic community. Sephardic Jews, of Middle Eastern origin, were for decades an underclass in Israeli society. Katsav was born in Iran and immigrated to Israel as a child.

The verdict caps a four-and-a-half year saga that shocked Israelis, both with its lurid details and bizarre twists and turns.

Katsav resigned in 2007, two weeks before his seven-year term expired, under a plea bargain that would have required him to admit to lesser charges of sexual misconduct.

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Roadside bomb hits minibus, killing at least 10 civilians in south Afghanistan, officials say

KABUL, Afghanistan (AP) — A roadside bomb blew up next to a minibus at a crowded intersection on a highway in southern Afghanistan on Thursday, killing at least 10 civilians, NATO and Afghan officials said.

The blast struck the minibus in the Nahr-e-Saraj district in Helmand province on the main road running from the city of Kandahar to Herat, said Daoud Ahmadi, a spokesman for the Helmand governor's office.

Ahmadi said that 14 people were killed — including women and children — and four others wounded in the explosion, while NATO put the death toll at 10. It was not immediately possible to reconcile the difference.

Helmand is one of the Taliban's strongholds in southern Afghanistan. It has been the scene of some of the fiercest fighting in the war and an area where NATO has poured in troops in a bid to quell the insurgency.

Last week, the Helmand governor's office said five civilians were killed during a firefight between militants and NATO forces in the province's Sangin district. Seven insurgents were killed in that battle.

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NY mayor criticizes emergency response after snowstorm; some 911 callers waited hours

NEW YORK (AP) — New York City's emergency response system dealt with a staggering number of calls in the aftermath of a post-Christmas blizzard, and Mayor Michael Bloomberg suggested that New Yorkers themselves shared some of the blame.

Under fire for what some perceived as the city's sluggish response to the blizzard that dropped 20 inches of snow on the city and surrounding area, Bloomberg on Wednesday deflected some of the criticism.

"We asked the public to do two things," Bloomberg said. "Don't call 911 unless it was a serious emergency ... And don't drive.

"Unfortunately, too many people didn't listen."

New York City operators fielded 49,478 calls to 911 on Monday, the day after the storm. That total was the sixth highest in any day since the city began keeping statistics. There were 38,000 calls on Tuesday. Some of the calls came from the same location, but it's not clear how many.

Many of the calls were not for emergencies, and plows couldn't clear the way for ambulances because streets were clogged with abandoned vehicles.

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3 terror suspects to face custody hearing, fourth man to be released, remains a suspect

COPENHAGEN, Denmark (AP) — One of five men arrested possibly hours before a planned shooting attack on the office of a newspaper that published cartoons of the Prophet Muhammad is to be released, a Danish intelligence official said Thursday.

The official told the AP that the man, an Iraqi asylum seeker who was arrested in Denmark, is being freed but remains a suspect. He gave no other details. Three other men still face hearings in Copenhagen on Thursday.

The Wednesday arrests rattled Danes and brought renewed attention to simmering anger at the Jyllands-Posten newspaper, which has been the target of several attacks and threats since publishing cartoons of Muhammad in 2005, in what it called a challenge to perceived self-censorship.

Four of the suspects, including the Iraqi, were arrested in the suburbs of Copenhagen in two raids while the fifth suspect, a Swedish citizen of Tunisian origin, was arrested in Sweden.

The official who spoke to the AP did not say why the Iraqi-born Danish resident was being released. He spoke on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to speak publicly.

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South Korea says North Korea builds up special forces, deploys newer tanks near border

SEOUL, South Korea (AP) — North Korea has faster, more powerful tanks prowling the world's most heavily armed border and 200,000 special forces poised to carry out assassinations and cause havoc in South Korea, a major military review said Thursday.

Seoul's Defense Ministry report, released every two years, signals that the North's military threat has expanded. It comes as President Lee Myung-bak's administration scrambles to respond to criticism that it was unprepared for a Nov. 23 North Korean artillery attack on a front-line island that killed four people.

That attack, along with an alleged North Korean torpedoing of a warship in March, has prompted South Korea to define the North in the defense document as its "enemy," a stronger description than in 2008 when the North was only called a "direct and serious threat."

South Korean defense documents stopped referring to North Korea as "the main enemy" — a constant subject of North Korean criticism — in 2004 amid then-warming ties. The North's state media angrily reacted to the new reference later Thursday, calling it a "grave provocation" that could trigger war.

The new document says the North intends to rely on its nuclear program, special forces, long-range artillery, submarines and cyber warfare forces as a counterweight to South Korea's high-tech conventional military.

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Obama administration expels Venezuela's ambassador after challenge from President Chavez

WASHINGTON (AP) — Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez dared the U.S. to expel his ambassador in retaliation for his move to reject the U.S. envoy to the South American country.

On Wednesday, that's just what the Obama administration did.

Chavez issued his dare a day earlier, saying he would not allow the U.S. diplomat, Larry Palmer, to be ambassador because the U.S. official made what Chavez described as blatantly disrespectful remarks about Venezuela.

"If the government is going to expel our ambassador there, let them do it," Chavez said, adding, "If they're going to cut diplomatic relations, let them do it."

U.S. diplomats familiar with the situation said the decision to revoke Bernardo Alvarez Herrera's visa came after Chavez's decision to withdraw his approval of Palmer. The diplomats said Alvarez is currently not in the U.S.

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Texas, EPA fight over regulations grows fierce despite agreement that environment at risk

HOUSTON (AP) — A longstanding tit-for-tat between Texas and the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency over how to regulate pollution has grown fierce in recent months, leaving industry frustrated and allowing some plants and refineries to spew more toxic waste into the air, streams and lakes than what is federally acceptable.

Both sides and conservation groups agree the battle has put the health of Texas residents and the environment at risk. But the back-and-forth over everything from who should issue permits to whether state agencies are properly cracking down on polluters shows no signs of slowing down.

The fight has gotten so ugly that the EPA took the unprecedented step this month of announcing it will directly issue greenhouse gas permits to Texas industries beginning in January after the state openly refused to comply with new federal regulations.

"Emissions are too high, the emissions are too toxic and Texas water is being harmed," said EPA regional director, Al Armendariz.

The EPA is "putting politics ahead of the environmental issues," said Bryan Shaw, chairman of the Texas Commission on Environmental Quality.

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Skype releasing new iPhone app that allows video calls over Wi-Fi, AT&T's 3G network

SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — A new version of the free iPhone app for Skype SA will let users make and receive video calls.

Users of the Internet calling and messaging service will be able to use both Wi-Fi and AT&T Inc.'s 3G cellular network. FaceTime software, which comes with iPhones, works only with Wi-Fi.

The app, which is being released Thursday through Apple Inc.'s iTunes Store, will let iPhone 4 and iPhone 3GS users make free video calls to other Skype users who are using the app or have access to the feature using Skype on their computer or other video phone.

Those with the latest iPod Touch will be able to make video calls over Wi-Fi. The app allows the iPad and previous-generation iPod Touch to receive video calls, too, Skype said.

Skype's software offers free services such as voice or video calls to other Skype users.

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Tibetan monks come to Atlanta's Emory University to study science, become teachers

ATLANTA (AP) — Munching on pizza. Posting on Facebook. Hanging out with friends on weekends.

Some of the newest students at Emory University's student body may act like typical college kids, but there's a key difference: They're Tibetan monks sent by the Dalai Lama to the United States to learn science.

Wearing the traditional crimson robes and closely shorn heads of Tibetan monastics, the six men — most in their 30s — are taking physics, biology and chemistry classes with hopes of returning to Tibetan monasteries in India to teach science to other monks and nuns.

It's the first established program for Tibetan monks from India to train at a Western university, said Geshe Lhakdor, director of the Library of Tibetan Works and Archives in India.

"They are pioneers," he said in a recent interview while visiting Atlanta.

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In last week of letdown season, Brett Favre fined $50K for 'failure to cooperate' with NFL

EDEN PRAIRIE, Minn. (AP) — As Brett Favre pondered his future this summer, three Minnesota Vikings players arrived at his Mississippi home with a last-ditch sales pitch to persuade the aging quarterback to put on his uniform for a 20th season.

But his teammates weren't selling this: With the Vikings out of the playoff chase and the once-bionic signal-caller recovering from yet another serious injury, Favre began what could well be the final week of his career with another hit — a $50,000 fine from the NFL.

The league finalized Wednesday a slow-paced investigation of tawdry allegations against the 41-year-old with a rebuke of the all-time ironman for not cooperating with the process.

After nearly three months of interviews, forensic analysis and further examination, the NFL said Commissioner Roger Goodell "could not conclude" that Favre violated the league's personal conduct policy based on the evidence available to him. Investigators were trying to determine if Favre sent inappropriate messages and below-the-belt photos to Jenn Sterger in 2008, when both worked for the New York Jets.

Forensic analysis failed to establish that Favre sent the images to Sterger, the league said, but her attorney in accusing the NFL of favoritism asserted there was "ample evidence" that the photos came from Favre.

Copyright 2010 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

Women’s rights groups hail decision in Katsav case

Even as women’s rights groups hailed the decision Thursday by the Tel Aviv District court to convict former President Moshe Katsav on two counts of rape, sexual assault and other sexual abuse crimes, some told The Jerusalem Post that the new battle was to ensure the one-time statesman is also stripped of the privileges and benefits he receives as a former president.

“We welcome the judges decision in this case and are happy that the victim’s testimonies were finally recognized and accepted,” Ronit Erenfroind-Cohen, head of the Department for the Advancement of Women at the Women’s International Zionist Organization (WIZO) told the Post after the verdict was handed down. “However, there is still the issue that he [Katsav] is receiving all his benefits from the State of Israel and the government must look into this.”

RELATED:
Katsav's attorney to suggest he appeal guilty verdict
Gila Katsav on rape conviction: 'I feel very badly'

According to the women’s rights organizations interviewed by the Post, the former president is still eligible to collect his pension for serving as Israel’s eighth president from 2000-2007, as well as other benefits such as a driver and even a secretary to manage his business affairs.

“[Katsav] is an embarrassment to the State of Israel and he is a rapist, he needs to accept the consequences,” continued Erenfroind-Cohen, adding “I think as a nation we need to all to do some soul searching and ask ourselves how, despite prior knowledge of his violent behavior, he was elected president.”

According to the charge sheet, the main victim known as “aleph” had worked for Katsav when he was Tourism Minister from 1996-1999.

Michal Rozin, Executive Director of the Association of Rape Crisis Centers in Israel (ARCCI), who was inside the courtroom when the guilty verdict was read out, said that Katsav’s name should not necessarily be removed from the list of those that had served as presidents but rather should be used to prompt Israeli society to take a long hard look at itself.

“I still don’t believe that a president of the State of Israel has been found guilty of rape, I think it is a sad day for the State of Israel,” she said, adding, “it is time for the state to look inside itself and ask whether it is justified that he still receives a salary or a driver and staff.”

ARCCI were among the women’s groups that continued to organize protests outside each of Katsav’s trial hearings in order to show support for his accusers.

“This ruling is a big victory because we never doubted that these women were telling the truth and that he was lying,” said Rozin. “This is a man who was given power and he totally abused it.”

She also pointed out that this ruling would now give strength to other women who had been victims of sex crimes to come forward and speak out.

“We have already noted a large increase today in the number of people calling our hotline [for victims of rape and sexual assault],” said Rozin. “There is no doubt that this is a big step forward for this issue.”

“This ruling will give strength and power to all women in this country,” concurred Naamat President Talia Livni, who highlighted that it was a very important day for Israeli justice.

“I see this as a big victory because it shows that the system is able to uphold the law and make sure justice is found,” she said, adding, however, that the question remains “how he got chosen to be president?”

“There were stories about his behavior towards women before he became president, so how did he come to be elected?” asked Livni, a trained attorney. “We need to look into this now and make sure it does not happen again.”

Nurit Tsur, Director of the Israel Women’s Network, also welcomed Thursday’s ruling saying, however, that the role of public prosecutors needed also to be examined after Attorney-General Menahem Mazuz attempted to reach a plea bargain with Katsav when the case was first brought to trial more than three years ago.

“Of course this is a very important day but we are still not celebrating yet,” said Tsur. “We are very happy with the courts because this case needed to be heard but the role of prosecutors must be examined after they tried to make an agreement before it could even reach court.”

Tsur also emphasized that the courts should ensure Katsav receives the maximum punishment for his crimes. Under Israeli law, rapists can spend many years in prison, she said.

Women’s rights groups hail decision in Katsav case

Even as women’s rights groups hailed the decision Thursday by the Tel Aviv District court to convict former President Moshe Katsav on two counts of rape, sexual assault and other sexual abuse crimes, some told The Jerusalem Post that the new battle was to ensure the one-time statesman is also stripped of the privileges and benefits he receives as a former president.

“We welcome the judges decision in this case and are happy that the victim’s testimonies were finally recognized and accepted,” Ronit Erenfroind-Cohen, head of the Department for the Advancement of Women at the Women’s International Zionist Organization (WIZO) told the Post after the verdict was handed down. “However, there is still the issue that he [Katsav] is receiving all his benefits from the State of Israel and the government must look into this.”

RELATED:
Katsav's attorney to suggest he appeal guilty verdict
Gila Katsav on rape conviction: 'I feel very badly'

According to the women’s rights organizations interviewed by the Post, the former president is still eligible to collect his pension for serving as Israel’s eighth president from 2000-2007, as well as other benefits such as a driver and even a secretary to manage his business affairs.

“[Katsav] is an embarrassment to the State of Israel and he is a rapist, he needs to accept the consequences,” continued Erenfroind-Cohen, adding “I think as a nation we need to all to do some soul searching and ask ourselves how, despite prior knowledge of his violent behavior, he was elected president.”

According to the charge sheet, the main victim known as “aleph” had worked for Katsav when he was Tourism Minister from 1996-1999.

Michal Rozin, Executive Director of the Association of Rape Crisis Centers in Israel (ARCCI), who was inside the courtroom when the guilty verdict was read out, said that Katsav’s name should not necessarily be removed from the list of those that had served as presidents but rather should be used to prompt Israeli society to take a long hard look at itself.

“I still don’t believe that a president of the State of Israel has been found guilty of rape, I think it is a sad day for the State of Israel,” she said, adding, “it is time for the state to look inside itself and ask whether it is justified that he still receives a salary or a driver and staff.”

ARCCI were among the women’s groups that continued to organize protests outside each of Katsav’s trial hearings in order to show support for his accusers.

“This ruling is a big victory because we never doubted that these women were telling the truth and that he was lying,” said Rozin. “This is a man who was given power and he totally abused it.”

She also pointed out that this ruling would now give strength to other women who had been victims of sex crimes to come forward and speak out.

“We have already noted a large increase today in the number of people calling our hotline [for victims of rape and sexual assault],” said Rozin. “There is no doubt that this is a big step forward for this issue.”

“This ruling will give strength and power to all women in this country,” concurred Naamat President Talia Livni, who highlighted that it was a very important day for Israeli justice.

“I see this as a big victory because it shows that the system is able to uphold the law and make sure justice is found,” she said, adding, however, that the question remains “how he got chosen to be president?”

“There were stories about his behavior towards women before he became president, so how did he come to be elected?” asked Livni, a trained attorney. “We need to look into this now and make sure it does not happen again.”

Nurit Tsur, Director of the Israel Women’s Network, also welcomed Thursday’s ruling saying, however, that the role of public prosecutors needed also to be examined after Attorney-General Menahem Mazuz attempted to reach a plea bargain with Katsav when the case was first brought to trial more than three years ago.

“Of course this is a very important day but we are still not celebrating yet,” said Tsur. “We are very happy with the courts because this case needed to be heard but the role of prosecutors must be examined after they tried to make an agreement before it could even reach court.”

Tsur also emphasized that the courts should ensure Katsav receives the maximum punishment for his crimes. Under Israeli law, rapists can spend many years in prison, she said.

Leighton Meester Doesn't Like to Party and More Celebrity News

Want to know what's going on with your favorite TV stars when the cameras aren't rolling? Check out the latest celebrity news from our friends at PopEater.com.

• Unlike Blair Waldorf, 'Gossip Girl' star Leighton Meester isn't really into partying, according to an interview with Seventeen magazine. She also discussed love, past relationships and filming 'Country Strong' with Gwyneth Paltrow.

• From the epic 'True Blood' Rolling Stone cover to 'Jersey Shore' star Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi trying to figure out a Rubik's Cube, these are the top photos of 2010.

• Candace Cameron Bure became a household name playing wholesome D.J. Tanner on the family-friendly sitcom 'Full House,' but off-screen her life hasn't always been an easy one. The 34-year-old actress and mother of three tells PEOPLE that after 'Full House' wrapped, she battled bulimiafor a number of years.

The prosecutor who will lead the manslaughter case against Dr. Conrad Murray said in court that Murray's lawyers plan to argue that Michael Jackson gave himself the dose of Propofol that killed him while Murray was out of the room. L.A. County Deputy District Attorney David Walgren told the judge, "I do think it's clear the defense is operating under the theory that the victim, Michael Jackson, killed himself." TMZ reported months ago that Murray's attorneys planned to argue that when the doctor left Jackson's bedroom to go to the bathroom, an insomnia-plagued Jackson awakened and in a moment of frustration took a massive dose of Propofol. Walgren said in court, "They don't want to say it but that's the direction in which they are going.

• • •

Meanwhile, the executors of Michael Jackson's estate fired off an outraged letter to the Discovery Channel, which plans to televise a show in Europe Jan. 13 that will feature a re-enactment of Jackson's autopsy. In the letter, co-executors John Branca and John McClain accuse the network of operating in "shockingly bad taste ... motivated solely by your blind desire to exploit Michael's death, while cynically attempting to dupe the public into believing this show will have serious medical value." The letter says they were "especially outraged when a sickening print advertisement for the program appeared," showing a body on a gurney with one hand exposed -- wearing a sequined glove. The letter calls the ad, seen at left, "debased, sick and insensitive." The letter, dated Dec. 29, closes: "On behalf of Michael's family, fans, common sense and decency, we urge you to reconsider and cancel this program."

• • •

In her new book, former "Full House" child star Candace Cameron Bure admits that she has waged a battle with bulimia. Bure, 34, the younger sister of star Kirk Cameron, called binging and purging "a very dangerous cycle that can just start to consume your life and really take over." She says she started to practice bulimia after "Full House" went off the air in 1995, while she was adjusting to life in Canada with her new husband, Russian-born NHL player Valeri Bure. "It wasn't about me trying to lose weight," says Cameron Bure. "It was all about emotions." Cameron Bure, now starring in the ABC Family series "Make It or Break It," reveals her eating disorder in her new autobiography, "Reshaping it All." She and Bure have three children, Natasha, 12; Lev, 10; and Maks, 8.

• • •

"Teen Mom" reality show star Amber Portwood has not been barred from custody of her 2-year-old daughter after Portwood pleaded not guilty to attacking the toddler's father during filming of the MTV show. Portwood's attorney, Robert Schembs, told CBS' "The Early Show" Wednesday, "My understanding, based on conversations yesterday, is that [Leah, 2] should be back with her mom some time today. All reports are that she's doing a nice job with her." Police did tell the media Tuesday that a protective order barred the troubled reality star from contact with her baby, but the county prosecutor said Wednesday that Portwood was only banned from having contact with her daughter's father, Gary Shirley, whom she is accused of beating. Schembs also says that Portwood is taking the charges "very seriously" and says she could be facing "a lot of time" behind bars on the three felony charges — two counts of domestic battery and one count of neglect of a dependent, along with one misdemeanor charge of domestic battery. If convicted on all the charges, she could face up to three years in jail and a $10,000 fine.

• • •

Nicole Richie is ending the year on a high note. Not only is she newly married to Joel Madden, the father of her children, she's also off probation for her 2006 DUI arrest. The probation was scheduled to continue for another few months, but Richie got the all-clear after her attorney, Shawn Chapman Holley, presented the judge with proof Richie had completed all the terms of probation. The documents included a glowing report from the alcohol ed program in which she's been enrolled for the last 18 months. Richie was arrested in 2006 after she was seen driving the wrong way on an L.A. freeway.

• • •

Disney star Demi Lovato, far right in the photo, was spotted out with her family on a day off from rehab looking very different, with dyed dark brown hair, black nail polish, and dark maroon lipstick. Lovato spent a few hours at a movie theater with her mother, Dianna, stepfather, Eddie, and her two sisters, Dallas and Madison, who made the trip from their California home to Chicago to see her. Lovato checked into the Illinois treatment center in October for treatment of "physical and emotional issues" after punching Jonas Brothers backup dancer Alex Welch in the face over a misunderstanding. Last week, Lovato reached a financial settlement with Welch. "The parties are satisfied and the dispute has been resolved amicably and completely," Welch's attorney, Donald Karpel, told TMZ. Lovato remains in rehab with no release date set, which has delayed the arrival of her next album.

-- Anne Neville

Candace Cameron Bure Reveals Battle with Bulimia

Candace Cameron grew up in front of the camera, playing DJ Tanner on the hit television series, ‘Full House.’ Though she was young and famous, Candace also had to endure some of life’s most awkward stages – including becoming a teenager – on national television.

Now 34, the actress admits she’s in the best shape of her life, thanks to her pro-athlete husband, their three active children, and lessons she learned from her never-before-revealed battle with bulimia.

“It’s a very dangerous cycle that can just start to consume your life and really take over,” Candace told PEOPLE, admitting that she began binging and purging shortly after ‘Full House’ ended its run in 1995.

“It wasn’t about me trying to lose weight,” the actress admitted. “It was all about emotions.”

At the time, Candace was adjusting to her new life in Canada with her husband, Russian-born NHL star Valeri Bure.

Now a healthy weight, the former child star credits her figure to plenty of exercise and a diet that allows even her self-professed “weakness,” dessert, in moderation.

Candace talks more about her struggle with the eating disorder in her book, ‘Reshaping it All.’

Despite losses, positive signs for Wizards

The Wizards have lost all three games with Rashard Lewis in uniform, and they are just 1-4 since Josh Howard returned from his left knee surgery, but could the team be nearing a breakthrough? After defeating the Wizards 100-93 on Monday, Houston Rockets coach Rick Adelman came away impressed with the collection of talent in Washington and felt that a turnaround was possible.

"I'd say that team has Lewis, with [John] Wall coming back, and Josh Howard coming back, and down the road if they don't get hurt again, that team is going to be a lot better team than what their record indicates," Adelman said.

Since Lewis joined the team, the Wizards have utilized three different starting lineups, and will soon make another change whenever Wall is moved back to starting point guard. But they have been more competitive, especially considering that the competition during their three-game losing streak was Chicago (first-place team in the Central Division), San Antonio (holders of the league's best record) and Houston (the hottest team in the NBA, with a five-game winning streak).

"They have talent at every position and now they have some new pieces, so they're trying to find themselves and see how everyone is going to help out," Rockets point guard Aaron Brooks said. "Wall is coming back and playing good basketball. They're a good team."

The Wizards (7-22) have had 14 different starting lineups though the first 29 games, which leads the league, and Coach Flip Saunders has been unable to settle on any consistent rotation. But as the team prepares to play its next two games against the Indiana Pacers, Saunders is hopeful that things will start to settle down.

"We have to keep this group together and get better as a team," Coach Flip Saunders said. "We need to start having some continuity."

Although he is still in search of his first win as a Wizard, Lewis believes that it won't be long. "We're playing well," Lewis said after the loss in Houston. "We're playing good defense. I can definitely say that we're going to start winning ball games. You can tell by the attitude in this locker room."

Laura Govan Fourth Time Pregnant, But Still No Ring On It?

Dimewars : Laura Govan and her Basketball Wives sister Gloria Govan were seen on the red carpet together and Laura was carrying an extra package. Laura Govan and her Baby Daddy Gilbert Arenas is on their fourth child even though the two have not wed yet.

The question is will this be the man trap that makes the catch or will the Shaq rumors get in the way?

Basketball Wives' Gloria Govan Hosts Welcome Party for Matt Barnes

Shelly Renee attending as VH1 "Basketball Wives" star Gloria Govan hosts a welcome to Los Angeles Party for Matt Barnes at Supperclub Los Angeles on December 4, 2010. Photo copyright by Steve Solis / PR Photos.

Off the court, Arenas is missed, too

The nine-year relationship of Gilbert Arenas and Laura Govan has been a famously stormy one - breakups interspersed with reunions, babies and one elaborate marriage proposal.

But this time, with the former Washington Wizards star's recent departure for Orlando, the drama appears to have gone nuclear. A representative for Govan - yes, there are reps involved this time - told The Washington Post that Arenas has cut off communication and funds from her and their three children.

Govan, who is four months pregnant with their fourth child, "has not heard from Arenas the whole month of December," said publicist Laura Wright in an e-mailed statement. "Govan and the children feel like they have been abandoned."

Wright - who has worked for Govan's sister Gloria and her fiance, Los Angeles Lakers forward Matt Barnes - said that Govan was left at their Great Falls home "with no money to purchase food or Christmas gifts."

A representative for the Orlando Magic, playing in Cleveland on Tuesday night, said they had not been able to reach Arenas for comment by press time.

The breakup happened around Thanksgiving. Though he didn't reveal a relationship rift at the time, Arenas recently told reporters he had been staying with Wizards teammate Nick Young for about a month.

Other public comments, when the Wizards traded him to the Orlando Magic on Dec. 18, seemed like jokes or exaggerations at the time. He told The Post after his Dec. 20 debut with the Magic that he was so eager to move that he bought a same-day ticket to Florida the minute he'd heard about the trade: "I went to the airport and left. I didn't have a chance to say bye to anybody. I didn't even say bye to the kids." (But Arenas also said that Washington would remain "in my heart" because "that's where I raised my kids and have my family.")

Arenas, 28, and Govan, 31, were known in Washington as high-flying homebodies, rarely out on the town and mostly known through the comical stories he shared on his short-lived blog - like the time he hired an FAO Schwarz window dresser to set up the train set he bought for the kids.

I F***ing Hate New Year’s Eve

Let’s not beat about the bush. New Year’s Eve is shit. Christmas I can get behind – food, presents, sloth – what’s not to like? But celebrating the date going from the 31^st to the 1^st does not warrant queuing six deep at a bar full of fannies sloshing Jagermeister into my eyeballs. If I could be guaranteed that throughout the whole of 2011 I will be served caviar by a golden unicorn which expels Faberge eggs out of its bejewelled back passage – then maybe, just MAYBE – I will spend 3 hours in a taxi queue as some brainless ballbag vomits vodka Red Bull all over my back.

But that never happens, does it? There’s no unicorn. There’s no caviar. The next day, nothing has changed, and you are a disgusting mess. Look at you. You tried to shag the Christmas tree. You look like a cross between Eric Pickles and a melted Cabbage Patch doll. It’s 2011, and your tiny, booze shrivelled brain can’t even comprehend the Brian Conley Christmas Special. Here are 5 compelling reasons to give NYE a miss…

1. The Tyranny of Town

Going into town on New Year’s Eve and expecting to have a good time is like going to a Basshunter gig and expecting to encounter a room full of scholars discussing symbolism in late Victorian literature. Every town and city in Britain turns into a hellish Yates’ Wine Lodge of doom – the streets are a Hogarthian stinkfest of bad booze, goosebumpy boobs, crap Superdry shirts and rampant chlamydia. Conversations you may overhear include: ‘WHOOAGH, TITS’, ‘BLLAAAAGH’ and the classic ‘HAPPY NEW YEAR’ (followed by a depressing grope and instant herpes).

2. Getting Home

Once you’re in town, you can’t escape. It’s drunk twat lockdown, like being trapped in a massive full-scale metropolitan version of Take Me Out. If you want to get out of there this side of Easter, you have to join the snaking Armageddon that is the taxi/night bus queue. Just like you, all these knob ends thought it was a good idea to pay £100 to get into crap club called Bonkerz, and just like you they must be punished. Remember, when you do get picked up (at about 5am) your driver will assess you for cab suitability and alcohol levels. If you are wearing a vest, eating a kebab and have a rapidly growing wee stain on your crotch, you may find yourself walking home in minus 10 temperatures, and you will die.

No matter what the song, whether it’s a plaintive folk ballad or the National Anthem of Swaziland, Jools will be there, liberally lacing it with mindless tinkling jazz wankery, like putting ketchup on a salad. Prick.

3. False Optimism

You know what? This year’s going to be YOUR year. It’s going to be BRILLIANT. You can just put all the disappointments, near misses, embarrassing moments, divorces, bereavements, dead plants, burnt dinners and regrettable encounters of last year aside and go forth into an amazing new phase of your life. As soon as Big Ben strikes 12 you will start to magically transform into the Super You, and you will finally get your own show on Channel 4/get over that bastard/land a new job in Australia/win the lottery/lose two stone/learn to dance/become a ninja. Yes, 2011 is going to be the best year EVER! Whoo!! (Will it fuck).

4. It’s Not Christmas Anymore

Do you remember Christmas? The twinkling lights, the sparkling baubles, the piles of untouched presents under the tree? By the time New Year’s Eve comes around, all that’s left is a pile of Ferrero Rocher wrappers and a bloated liver you could draw a face on and introduce as your cousin. The last thing anyone feels like doing is adding even more booze to the equation, yet here you are in Trafalgar Square, knocking back a bottle of White Lightning and snogging someone dressed up as a chicken. New Year’s Eve is the last death rattle of the fun festive season, and then what’s next? Taking the Christmas tree down. Debt consolidation at 2459% APR. Soup made out of cardboard boxes and puddles.

5. Jools Holland’s Hootenanny

On New Year’s Eve, music’s most odious penises gather together at the BBC and torture the general public with their ‘jams’. Marvel as Sting sings ‘Let it Be’ with the Goombay Dance Band while Lenny Henry plays the spoons. Oh look, there’s Ray Winstone and Tom Jones dancing to Sex Bomb with Ladysmith Black Mambazo and Beverley Knight! And ‘Who’s’ this in the audience? – why it’s a totally pissed David Tennant, tapping his funky Converse to those crazy beats! And then of course, there’s Jools, indiscriminately dropping doo-wop shit bombs all over everything. No matter what the song, whether it’s a plaintive folk ballad or the National Anthem of Swaziland, Jools will be there, liberally lacing it with mindless tinkling jazz wankery, like putting ketchup on a salad. Prick.

So my NYE advice is: do not go out. Turn off the telly, put your head under the duvet, ignore the bells and the fireworks and the wellwishers. Stay there eating leftover pork pies and Lindors until February and then emerge triumphantly, just in time for Pancake Day when you can legitimately stuff your fat face again. Until then, Happy New Year. It’ll probably be sort of the same as the last one.