Track Santa's progress today with NORAD's help.
Getting in touch with Santa Claus is no simple matter. Especially on Christmas Eve. But The Daily Journal has some clout with his "people," so this interview was arranged for this holiday edition of "10 Questions."
You've held this job for centuries. Did you expect to be at it this long?
Claus: Heck, no. When you started your job, didn't you expect to get some holidays off eventually? Didn't you think there might be a little pension waiting some day? I don't know if it's a paperwork snafu or what, but I keep figuring one more year.
Do you still get any job satisfaction, keeping up with the growing worldwide demand for your visits?
Claus: Oh, it's gotten a little like I'm on autopilot. You know, the same amount of hours, but more and more kids. With my cholesterol problems, I can't eat all the snacks left for me, but if I don't, the kids don't believe I exist. So, how many people deal with that line of thinking: I eat, therefore I am.
Can you tell us a little about your support system?
Claus: Well, for the first five or six centuries, Mrs. Claus was very supportive, but she's a little burned-out now. She's asleep before I leave. And the elves: Well, they're pretty frustrated by the technology demands these days. They pine for the era of painted, wooden toys.
And the reindeer?
Claus: Well, they do enjoy the exercise, but I'm working with guys like Comet, the 957th, and Blitzen, the 949th. Once I got the names straight, I just kept them the same.
And by the way, the latest Rudolph has one of those cool Halogen noses. It's much better in fog.
Are there any misconceptions about your legend that you would like to clear up?
Claus: Well, for one thing: Who the heck are Hardrock, Coco and Joe? And that Italian song with the Christmas donkey? Never happened. I swear: I don't know any "Dominick."
Are there any highlights for you in the Kankakee area?
Claus: I do recall a request once for a NASCAR track. It accidentally fell out of the sleigh somewhere north of there, but I couldn't see it through the snow. So, I just forgot about it and dropped off some Chicago Bears stuff in Bourbonnais instead.
What's the biggest job hazard?
Claus: Well, after I get through the leaky diapers in the mall gig, it's pretty smooth sailing really. It used to be pretty dangerous in my chimney-climbing days, but OSHA stopped all that. I learned to pick locks and life got a lot easier. No more sleighs sliding off the roof. No more repair bills for damaged shingles.
Is that naughty and nice list still an ongoing process for you?
Claus: No, all that's pretty much computerized now. There's a glitch now and then, and I'll drop off 200 toys by accident at some undeserving kid's house.
And do you think I ever get anything back in situations like that? Nothing. Bupkis. Nada.
Have you ever thought of upgrading your image?
Claus: Haven't you noticed the nicer beard and the better-fitting outfit? Look at some of those old pictures of me, man. I was almost frightening back in the day. I don't know what I was thinking.
I still scare about 20 percent of the kids at the mall. Imagine how many I could scare with that old look.
So, do you have one final message for readers?
Claus: Well, I should mention, for all the little children out there, that they ought to share a little more of the love they have for me with their parents. For all of the years I've been at this, that is the one constant: That parents want to make this one day special for their children. It doesn't matter if they are rich or poor, the love is the same. The size or the number of gifts might vary, but every child should get the same present, parents who care.
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